Clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead

[Chloe]

Chloe woke up with the sun, in a cold sweat, sick to her stomach, with a side of splitting migraine. Like most days.

She also woke up with a growingly familiar presence beside her, the residual warmth on her skin and breath light on her back as Chloe's recalcitrant muscles did their level best to keep her horizontal. Unlike most days.

The fledgeling shaman had been trying everything. Meditation, exercise to exhaustion, incense, chanting, the whole nine. Frankly she felt completely ridiculous - these weren't her traditions, her ways, her connection to Cat..Cattleya. She was a mother without a cub.

So was Chloe, but Chloe couldn't have kids even if she wanted to. But there were other ways to be a mother. To yourself, to your community...even if your community will hate you for it.

Chloe turned and watched Alice breathe for a long minute. Then reached into her backpack hanging from the bedpost, took out her gear, strapped the belt around her arm, spiked a vein and slowly slumped back into her bed, feeling right as Rain.

"This is gonna be...very hard", she mouthed, breathy, before the quiet overtook her.

[PoeticJustice]

The Psychic shifted beside her and whimpered.

"Alice!" he screamed, holding out a hand to her. His eyes were pitch black, tinged with red like Levi's. "Help me, Alice!"

It wasn't who it normally was. Not this close to the Cave. It was one of the first tally marks upon her wrist.

She struggled against the chains -- wait, chains? When was she bound in Chains? -- and cried out his name, reverberating against the walls. She wanted to help him. Wanted so much to help him. She ripped at her chains, threatening to dislocate both her arms.

A bang. His head blown open. And her own face staring back, splattered with blood. Emotionless. Stoic. Stone cold. Two more bullets. Just to be sure. Fiat Lux smoked. Her hand didn't shake. And then she turned to Chloe. Sweating shaking Chloe.

"NO!" she threw herself against the chains -- Bound in Chains? -- and screeched and the world began to warp.

The air immediately around her grew uncomfortably thick, pressing down on temples and feeling charged.

The Alice before her, the cold methodical killing machine, put the gun to Chloe's temple. But it wasn't a gun. It was something else.

A needle. Where had the needle come from? That didn't belong--

But the Alice didn't hesitate, the needle found its way into the girl's neck. Chloe's body slumped in relief, maybe in ecstasy and then

Alice was shaking harder, curling in on herself beside the other girl. Her chin ducked into her neck, her arms into her chest, her knees into her stomach. She whimpered and shook and her nails dug into her palm until they broke the skin. As her demons consumed her. The air grew increasingly uncomfortable, tight -- almost painful.

She didn't scream. Screaming would come later. And with it bleeding. Right now she just curled inwards and shuddered.

[Chloe]

It was getting hard to breathe, the air was oppressive and shoving itself down on Chloe's chest with the weight of malice. Chloe knew why.

There were other ways to be a mother.

The hunting cat stirred, and Chloe screamed wordlessly as her muscles and bones strained, snapped and re-knit. Through a blanket of of opiate induced euphoria in the body they shared and oppressive terror in Chloe's mind the cat and Chloe drug themselves by the claws to Alice's side.

As the world around her shifted and tore at her flesh, Chloe wrapped herself around her lover, and quietly sang.

[PoeticJustice]

It was a different kind of soothing than others she'd known. More touch instead of less. An Embrace instead of pulling away. And the soft words of a song, twining into her mind and coiling up to hold out a hand to the girl who was lost in the dark. They moved over the cracks in reality, the cracks in her mind, like a soothing cold compress.

Shhh. You're alright. Rest now.

Her mind rebelled at first. And her nightmares doubled down. Her hand around the syringe, her pulling the trigger -- no, pushing the plunger. She was empty and cold, hollowed out for one purpose-

Alice. Alice come back. You're alright. Come back. It was faint and yet it came from all sides and her dream hands shook. Come back to me. You can come back. It's alright. And it twined with the song and a pinprick of light in the darkness she didn't realize was all around her threatening to choke her.

Alice alice alice

When had that gone from a lie to a name? Where was she? The light grew larger.

I'm right here. You're safe. You're still human. The song continued, louder in her mind.

So tired. But so close. She reached out a hand towards the light.

Her eyes opened and the weight was suddenly gone. She rolled over just a little to look over her shoulder.

"Chloe?" her voice was dazed, coming through a fog and confused. "I was dreaming..." she whispered. "I don't remember about what..."

[Chloe]

Chloe took in a sharp breath, the pressure of the air crushing her skull leaving like a diver surfacing from beneath a lake a night.

Care for her, the sonorous growl in her head commanded.

Chloe gathered the girl with the too-open mind to her and brushed hair from her eyes, purring. "You were having a nightmare, but it's okay. I'm here, you can go back to sleep."

Shifting, Chloe tucked Alice's head to her collarbone. "I love you, it'll be allright."

Chloe internally chuckled.

Fuck me, she thought. I actually believe that.